I want to change but I don’t know how to?
It takes time to change any particular area in our lives when we are accustomed to doing the same thing over and over again for a very long time.
There is a saying, if you do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome, it is called insanity.
Change is often difficult to do. The key factor is determination and such a desire for change, that you will do whatever it takes. You have to work at it. It will not come easily.
Be dedicated to therapy, apply the necessary interventions in your life daily, be open and honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to soul-search, set goals, and take small, specific, attainable steps.
Why do I feel emotionally drained by my therapy session?
Therapy can be emotionally draining especially when you begin to open up about stressful and traumatic memories and experiences.
We often bury painful experiences and avoid talking about them because we don’t want to relive an awful and devastating past.
Within a safe environment, it is actually helpful to process these feelings and emotions as over time, it will become easier to manage those emotions. You may even enjoy a feeling of relief once the burden has been lifted.
How can I get these negative thoughts out of my head?
Everyone has negative thoughts. They seem to pop out of nowhere and are sometimes just an automatic response.
Negative thoughts can be racing, ruminative and debilitating. Remember this. We can never have negative and positive thoughts taking up space in our minds at the same time.
Developing ways to combat negative thoughts, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts on a regular and consistent basis is one way to discover peace of mind. It takes practice but it really does work.
Why when something bothers me, do my ears feel hot, my palms sweat and my body overheats?
“Bothers me” in this instance is related to someone who experiences frequent anxiety attacks.
The symptoms listed are related to the physiological responses felt when in an emergency response mode. The flight or fight response is the body’s natural way to tell us we are in danger.
Anxiety mimics the emergency response system; however anxiety is not necessarily an appropriate response when we are not actually in danger. It can therefore lead to health problems.
How do I just let it go when my boyfriend tells me to trust him?
We should all possess self-control so that we can avoid needing to control the thoughts and actions of someone else.
Exploring underlying and/or unresolved issues of trust in past relationships may reveal buried reasons relating to our own inability to trust others. Developing self-esteem and self worth are two factors that assist in helping us let go.
I am afraid to communicate how I feel about my boyfriend’s attitude, what can I do?
Learning effective ways to communicate may overcome feelings of insecurity and fear of how the other person may respond.
Communication is a two way channel, sending and receiving information. Sometimes our attempts to communicate can be misinterpreted and misunderstood in both directions.
Learning how to be assertive (advocate for the “self”) and respectful (positive regard for others) will ensure both parties are receiving the best outcome from the information that is being relayed.
When I am angry, I feel stressed and hot when I think about why I am angry, why is that?
Your anger is being monitored by emotional (stress), physical (hot), and cognitive (angry thoughts) cues.
Anger is triggered by thinking about the specific situation. This is the cognitive (thought) cue. It is through cognitive cues that we may interpret the actions of others as disrespectful or embarrassing.
When we focus on those critical and hostile thoughts, it makes anger seem like an appropriate response to situations that generally do not demand it.
Why should I be kind to my kids when they say hateful things to me?
You control your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors and actions. Being able to understand the world of your children and what may be going on internally for them is crucial.
Difficult family dynamics may cause your children to experience their own pain; pain that is not obvious to you. Your children need to express how they’re feeling and open up about their feelings.
Sometimes it is hard to be the adult when we’re experiencing our own pain, but that said, setting an example for our children to follow is vital to their emotional wellbeing too
Why do I have panic attacks when I miss my therapy session, after I just started therapy?
The amount of energy a client puts into growth and change will set the pace for how successful his or her time in therapy will be.
It is not a good idea to start therapy one week, and then stop because you quickly see some positive results. Therapy is a process that ought to be maintained especially considering the intensity of the presenting problem.
Learning the nature of presenting issues and an appreciation of the benefits of therapy normally takes more than one or two sessions.
How do I know if you can relate to me and my horrible situation?
When people enter therapy they will want to ensure that the therapist is relatable and can understand their particular situation.
As human beings we all go through difficult and challenging situations in our life.
Fundamentally the purpose of therapy for the client, is to be heard, to be understood and to believe that at some level, the problem will be addressed.
Research shows that the greatest predictor of success in therapy is the therapeutic bond and relationship between therapist and client. Successful therapy may be achieved when there is good communication and empowered collaboration between therapist and client.
Do I need therapy if I am not mentally ill?
I am often asked if only people with diagnosed mental illnesses should attend mental health treatment. The short answer is no. Let me give you an example.
There are many people with different levels of endurance and strength who attend the gym or employ a physical trainer. Some want to stay fit, some want to lose weight, some want to improve on a particular part of their physique. Some may go to develop more of a toned structure, while others may go to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Your mental health is similar to your physical health, and should not be neglected. An acute episode of depression and/ or anxiety may be a cause for concern. Difficulty adjusting after a bereavement or loss may also be a cause for concern.
Mental fitness is about having a stable and balanced display of emotions, thoughts and feelings when every area of life is functioning normally. It is about avoiding distress when there is no need for distress, and being your best self. Mental fitness is also about keeping your brain and therefore your mental well-being in tip top condition!
If You are Troubled And It is Causing You Concern Get Help!
If your peace of mind or mental state is negatively impacting your ability to function, even on a mild or moderate level, therapy is recommended. There are many effective treatments for an enormous range of mental, emotional and behavioral problems which are not obvious if you are in the middle of your troubles, wondering how to improve your life. Speak to me.